***QUESTION FROM A READER:
Hello, I am reading your book now and it's great,
the cocky guy thing is working 100%. I actually
got 5 #'s in 4 days! WOW :) Thanks! My Q is, I met
a girl online, she gave me her #, I called her we
met, got dinner, drinks, then made out! Cool
stuff! She says she is having the greatest time,
blah blah blah. When I kissed her, and made out a
little, she then says, slow down its the first
date. I felt bad for going on so fast. So I said
sorry. When we went home (2 different directions)
everything was cool, (looked like it at least) I
said, "ok, thanks, great time blah blah" the i
said "You want me to call u or u gonna call me?"
She goes "I'll call u, u call me its all good" SO
it ended good, (i think) NOW, Should I CALL HER
the next day or not?
Thanks,
K.
P.S. she wants to go out to a different town with
me for the weekend to have fun. HOW DO I ACT SO I
DONT LOOK LIKE A WUSS AND EASY TO GET GUY!??!?!?
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, well ready yourself.
I'm about to do some of my "David D. Quack-
Psycho-Analysis" on you. Emphasis on the Psycho.
In a one paragraph email, you managed to tell
me about a MINIMUM of three major mistakes that
you made with this particular girl. If I really
thought about it, I could probably find another
few in there as well.
So hug your inner child and tell him that
everything is going to be OK before I verbally
abuse him...
Here are the three mistakes that I noticed
right off the bat:
1) Making out with her somewhere other than at
your house (or her house).
2) Apologizing for making out with her.
3) Asking her if you should call her, or if she
should call you.
I'll address each one in a minute in detail,
but first let me start off with some of my Quack
theories.
One of the things I say a lot is "Women Aren't
Attracted To Wussies".
I say this because:
1) It's true.
2) If you don't understand this principle, you're
likely to make mistakes that clearly "telegraph"
to a woman that you're a Wuss.
3) When it all comes down, if a woman doesn't feel
ATTRACTION for you, or you somehow manage to screw
up and KILL the ATTRACTION she's feeling... you're
done. Game over.
I think that most of us guys have these little
secret beliefs that we hide from the rest of the
world... and that we TRY to hide from women.
I was having an interesting discussion with a
good friend today, and we were talking about how
most guys act when they're around an "attractive"
woman.
Most guys do one of the following:
- Give attractive women a lot of compliments
immediately.
- Kiss up to attractive women.
- Try to get attractive women to like them by
buying them gifts, dinners and flowers.
- Chase after attractive women and let it be known
that the woman is "a prize worth pursuing" right
from the beginning.
- Hand over all of their power and status to
attractive women.
Know what I'm talking about?
Have you ever seen a guy at dinner with a
beautiful woman... and he's obviously nervous
about the whole situation... and you can tell that
he's doing everything he can to NOT screw up so he
can get the woman's approval?
Have you ever BEEN THAT GUY?
Yeah, me too. A lot.
Well, unfortunately, this kind of behavior
usually BACKFIRES BIG TIME.
All of the little things that most guys do to
get a woman's approval send a clear message to the
woman that:
"I'M A WUSSY. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE
ME FOR WHO I AM, SO I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO RESORT
TO EXTREME MEASURES TO GET YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO
ME."
Now that I understand this particular aspect of
male/female interactions, I can see the horrible
results all around me.
At bars I watch guys walking up to women and
giving compliments... or offering to buy drinks...
and the women smiling politely thinking, "Oh,
another loser", and excusing themselves...
I see men at dinner with their dates...
DESPERATELY trying to get the women they're with
to show any sign of interest... but the women only
become colder and less interested... And I know
that the women are only getting ANNOYED at this
behavior...
I read personal ads in the paper and online
from men who are saying "Hey, pick me! I'm a great
guy! No, really!"... and I know that the women
reading these ads are saying to themselves "Yeah,
loser"... and the guys are getting little or no
response...
I think you get the picture.
The point I'm making is that when you do things
like asking her if she wants you to call her or if
she wants to call you... and apologizing for
making out with her, you are making the same basic
mistake.
Why would you apologize for making out with a
woman?
I mean, think about it.
You're not REALLY sorry... otherwise you would
not have done it in the first place. Duh.
You were actually LYING when you said you were
sorry. You were only sorry that she didn't want to
continue, man.
When you said, "I'm sorry", what she HEARD was
"Uh oh, I just screwed up. I'd better say
something quick to fix this. I will put aside my
own wants and desires, and say whatever you want
to hear in hopes that you'll like me and give me
attention and approval".
Really.
It's actually even WORSE than that.
The reality of this situation is that when you
apologized, you created a POWER SHIFT.
The power shifted from YOU to HER.
You felt it, and she felt it.
I guarantee that in the few seconds after you
said "I'm sorry", you felt a sinking feeling in
your stomach and knew something was wrong. But I
ALSO guarantee that she felt a little SURGE of
power AT THAT VERY MOMENT.
At the same moment you were realizing that you
just did something wrong, she was realizing that
she OWNED YOU.
Unfortunately, she probably also felt a little
bit of disappointment in you, because you were
apologizing for something just to get her
approval... and women don't WANT to own men.
Heavy man, heavy.
And the SAME thing happened in the moment that
you asked her if she wanted you to call her or if
she wanted to call you (but probably to a lesser
degree).
That's one of those little moments where you
basically said "Here, take the power. Tell me what
you want me to do, and I'll do it. You get to make
the decisions. Please tell me that you want me to
call you, because that will affirm that you like
me".
Keep this up, and you'll probably wind up a
boyfriend who she eventually cheats on... or, even
worse, a boyfriend who she eventually marries and
then divorces because you turned into a boring
Wussy husband from hell.
So, my general advice to you is:
STOP IT!
Stop doing things that let her know that she
OWNS you.
One of the best things you can do is learn to
PAUSE before you respond to ANYTHING that makes
you feel an "Emotional Wussy Rush".
If she says something that indicates that she's
not happy with you or your behavior, PAUSE.
Don't respond. Stay still. Keep the mouth shut
and the brain operating.
If you have to, run everything through your
mental "Wussy Analyzer".
Decide if the response you're going to give her
is to get her approval, and if it is, STOP.
Don't do things that hand over the power in the
relationship. Don't let the things a woman says
shake you emotionally.
Finally, I want to address your mistake of
making out with her somewhere other than in your
house or her house.
I'm sure the reason is obvious, right?
One of the best things I've learned is that if
you LEAN BACK when you're out on a date with a
girl, and don't try to "make your move" early on,
you'll do MUCH better later.
You mentioned that you're reading my eBook
right now... and it sounds like you're actually
doing pretty well. If you've gotten five women's
numbers in four days, I think you're going to
live... lol.
Pay close attention, because in my eBook (and
especially in my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD
program) I share some KILLER techniques for making
it completely "natural" for a woman to come back
to your place, come inside, etc. and the exact
steps to take, to take things to a "physical
level" once you're there.
Most guys totally screw this part up.
They go to all the trouble to approach a woman,
get her number, call her, get a date, go on the
date, pay for the date, spend all that time... and
then have NO IDEA what to do next.
The reality is that if you just KNOW WHAT TO
DO, and you've prepared in advance, you can easily
take things to the next level... and give her an
experience that will make her DEFINITELY call you
back for another date.
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